I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
