I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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