we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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