no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
