there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
