Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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