I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
