we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
