Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
