so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
