So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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