i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
