you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
