Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
