Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Someone signed my nipple.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
