Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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