I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
