Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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