I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
