ugly people sure do ruin things
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
did i walk over a car last night?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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