At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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