Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
