Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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