There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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