Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
