Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
