i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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