he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
