I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My vagina is officially offended.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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