i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
