This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
