Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
