One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
