There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
