Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
