Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
