I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
