smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
