Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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