I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
