im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
