I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
