As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
