Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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