is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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