Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
