Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
