i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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