make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
