Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
