UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
