Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
