i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
